so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
