there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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