I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
