i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
