she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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