It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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