It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
