I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
