it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
