i need an iv and a liver transplant
This girl is more easily done than said...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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