I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
