you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
