Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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