My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
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