Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
