for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
