My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
