i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
ttyl tear gas
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
