Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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