I like to think it a success when the cops are called
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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