I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
