It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
