the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
