thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
