My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
