I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
