tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
