I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So vagazzling was a success
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
