walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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