I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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