omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
