Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
