Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
