Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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