There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
