I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
