Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
