if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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