1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
