Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
