Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
