I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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