I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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