she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
