is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
