If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
