his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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