:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
