So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
