she looked like the bat from fern gully.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
