your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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